At the beginning of this school year, I had a particularly tough day and I knelt to pray behind my desk. I remember thinking, "I will not stay here next year, I will not stay here next year" and I had an intense prompting to apply to particular school district in the Valley.
Since that prompting, when the time was right, I did apply to that school district. And another school district. I got hired by the first school district...and turned their offer down. I was looking for something that I felt would be better for me, and that new position just didn't feel right.
After attending a career fair for the other district, I received an interview from one of the schools almost an hour away from our apartment. After going into the interview totally unprepared and tripping over all of my words, the school director also mentioned that they had a teaching position opened. When asked during the interview which one I might be more interested in, my gut told me the teaching position and so the interview continued as such.
I remember right before the interview was the day before Spring Break. I remember being really sad to go to this interview, as I thought about leaving my kids next year and it made me really sad. I remember feeling sad that I would not be teaching Social Studies. I love history and have a deep passion for the subject I teach. I knew that would be something that I would miss next year.
Anyway...the school director was kind enough to get me in touch with a school in the same district much closer to our current home. As I prepared for the interview at this second school, the more I contemplated leaving my current school, the more I realized that I would be so sad to no longer teach Social Studies. I love history. Teaching history is my dream placement. And I realized I could honestly admit that to myself.
Anyway...I've made a pros and cons list. In so many ways, each position had their own pros and cons, and I felt my mind and my heart being drawn in three different directions. But, deep down, I knew that I wanted to stay put.
I feared that desire to stay put. I feared that decision because I was terrified of not taking an opportunity. I have always taken every opportunity that has been placed before me in life--whether that was an additional orchestra in high school, an extra responsibility at church, or another job in college.
But as I contemplated leaving, I realized that maybe I had learned a valuable lesson about the opportunity to stay--to take advantage of opportunities currently surrounding me and "bloom where I'm planted."
I have felt this way many times in life--I've always wanted to travel abroad and "save the world," when maybe opportunities are available just right around the corner. I've always been a "well the grass must be greener on the other side of the fence" kind of person, but maybe my grass really is the greenest.
I once heard a very profound talk about this very mindset at church one time--a man said that he was taking a trip around the world when his train accidentally routed him from the South of France to Switzerland. He was notified that he would be stuck in Switzerland and that he would not have the time nor ability to get to his original destination. Rather than lamenting this mistake, he said, "Well, I'd rather not waste all of my time in Switzerland crying about not being in France--let me explore what this place has to offer."
At this time, I've felt this tugging at my heart that I've been very nervous to listen to. I've been so afraid that it me using these feelings as a cop out, that maybe staying put would be the easy way out and that I don't have the courage to stay. But I think what may be best for me in this moment is to continue to explore what this place has to offer.
But I feel like it is quite the opposite. I feel like my heart strings are tugging at me and telling me to have the courage to STAY. As my one of my ASU professor said, I cannot make a wrong decision. There are 12,000 open teaching positions in the state of Arizona. If after the end of next year, I realize that I've made a dire mistake, then I'll put myself out there. I'll try again. I'll go ahead and take a new opportunity.
But, I've learned that maybe what I need to do right now is stay put, to stretch my wings right where I'm at, to "bloom where I'm planted," to dig my roots a little deeper, and not be afraid to enjoy Switzerland for a little while longer. Because, the opportunity that I most need to take advantage right now may very well be in Switzerland. And Switzerland just feels right. Sometimes, our best opportunities are right in front of us. So, right now, I am saying no to moving. And I am saying yes to opportunity--opportunity to learn and grow and improve right where I'm at.
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